The Mary Tyler Moore Show S2E02 I Am Curious Cooper (September 25, 1971)

0:03 and so the state legislature passed a bill to bolster minnesota's slacking tourist trade the governor is expected to sign the bill just as soon as he returns with fishing vacation in canada now let's hear the latest ball scores from wally arnold and the sports point to wally no no don't say point to wally point to wally newsroom well highest stranger do you haven't heard from you in a long time oh really tell me about it uh-huh yeah hey you didn't happen to work in any business during that business trip did you oh no not too much things are pretty

0:49 slow around here oh yeah tell me does anyone happen to remember this morning's memo about personal phone calls during business hours hurry well how could we forget it isn't often you see the words don't no not never and forbidden the same sentence it's one of my favorites as a matter of fact i saved it larry ah just just a second my boss is standing here staring at me yes sir i was just wondering if you'd mind stepping into my office for a minute oh yes sir but when you're finished with your call of course uh i'm finished it's for you it's your friend mike cooper he can't remember where the card game is tonight

1:38 i better take that in my office he'll be right with you bye-bye hey murray happen to know mr cooper no i never met him what's he like well i don't know well i do but but i but i don't uh but uh well it's it's hard to explain no it isn't you do but you don't but you do i understand oh murray come on really but i mean i just i've never met him in person i've only met his voice well what's his voice like interesting be prepared to be disappointed when i first came to the station there was a guy that sounded great on the phone but when i met him he turned out to be a complete and utter dud who was that hi guys

2:25 speak of the dud say mayor you know that uh rating graph that you've been working on i want to show us how well we're doing against the competition uh yes ted i have it yeah here it is the red line is us hey we're on top no uh ted who believes in those dumb ratings anyway the people on the top see uh tan do you happen to know mr grant's friend uh mr cooper cooper cooper cooper free koopas and you're out ted wait a minute that's lou's friend isn't it uh yeah yeah what's she look like well i don't know that's uh why i'm asking you well maybe you're gonna have to give me a better hint than that

3:10 mike i don't know if she's over 5'5 i don't pay attention to stuff like that yeah you bet she's attractive stuff like that i pay attention to [Music] we got a little rule around here we never indulge in personal phone calls during business hours so can we get this conversation back to business good now the poker game tonight is at walters 8 30. and it's your turn to bring the dip [Music] yes sir there was something i wanted to see you about what was it oh that i shouldn't make up personal phone calls oh yeah that's right was there something else i want to see

3:56 about oh well no um yes i was curious uh mike cooper oh no you don't i'm not fixing you up with mike cooper i didn't say that i wanted to be fixed up with him what's wrong with mike cooper crazy about him he's a big lawyer he makes 50 000 a year mary you quit pumping me i'm not helping you i just always thought that he sounded very nice on the phone well let's keep it that way well sure uh let's uh keep it that way okay okay i'll tell you why and then you'll know why i don't fix people up when i was in college i had a best friend named warren tucker

4:43 tucker and i were this close then i fixed him up with the girl i knew i figured they'd hit it off real good hmm but they didn't work out they got married [Music] and just say that it was a rotten marriage if i hadn't meddled and gotten those two together warren tucker might be a happy man today mary i can't run the risk of messing up mike cooper's life by introducing him to you thanks a lot [Music] it's me hi mary you know the best thing about going on a diet going off a diet

5:31 [Music] this will be the first food i have had in two weeks that is not green and leafy now just hang in there kid when the buzzer goes off the lobster is ready hmm what's in there 10 000 calories screaming to get out and into my body there has got to be a better way to celebrate losing weight than stuffing yourself ah there's the lobster boy he really wants to get out of there doesn't [Music] and i'll it the door mr grant hi mary oh come in i hope i'm not getting you in the middle of dinner or anything oh no

6:17 dinner is served not in the middle of it uh rhoda you know mr grant oh sure hi elope [Music] would you like something to eat yeah that'd be nice got ain't scotch uh sure are you sure you don't want anything to go with it yeah maybe i better put a little ice in it [Music] well this is certainly an unexpected pleasure what brings you here tonight i wanted to talk to you mary before i went to my poker game tonight what are you doing

7:03 making a drink that's not how you make a drink give me that here's how you make a drink uh what do we do with this pour it in there now you've got it well well well mr grant mary i started thinking on the way to my card game tonight well i said a very foolish thing in the office today oh what foolish thing was that mr grant i was bullheaded selfish insensitive you know how i am oh yes mary i'm gonna break my rule for you which rule by not fixing people up with

7:48 mike cooper rule who's my cooper mike cooper is probably the most eligible bachelor in the twin cities he's a big lawyer he's available and mary's had her eye on him for a long time and that's why i'm going to break my rule mr grant you don't have to break your rules i didn't do all this thinking and come all the way over here to break my rule just so you can tell me not to break my rule i came here to break my rule and i'm gonna break my rules look both you and mike are a couple of my favorite people and uh well it just feels right like me being single look you me and michael have lunch together tomorrow just to get acquainted okay

8:36 thanks for the meal don't get up bye-bye girls good-bye mr graham so long lou marry tomorrow wear your purple dress uh my purple dress what you know don't you think it's a little uh dry mary cooper oh come on rhoda just another blind date probably nothing will come of it really rhoda cooper [Music] lunchtime anyone want to join me for teriyaki mayor oh thanks dan i'd love to but i've got a date for lunch oh how about you

9:22 murray you want to move for a little terry yecarini for lunch today ted there aren't any japanese restaurants around here well i know that chef leroy made some beef teriyaki on his show today can't you smell it it's in all the halls well gee ted i'd love to join you but uh i brought my lunch today oh oh that's okay that means it'll just be more for me well i think i'll take my lunch break i'll be at the bill's big burger if anyone wants me i thought you said you brought your lunch well no i always keep a dummy lunch for when ted asks i'll see you there what's that big stink in the hall beef teriyaki jeffrey roy put it on his show today boy that leroy one time he made corned beef and cabbage

10:09 and they had to evacuate the whole building mary yes sir you're not wearing my purple dress oh yes i know it's in the cleaners but uh well isn't this one okay yeah but it just isn't a purple one that's [Music] newsroom yes yes i will i'll have him call not at all that was mr cooper's office they want him to call as soon as he gets here and why are you straightening my desk huh oh well when mike gets here i don't want to think you're mr sloppy it's just a get acquainted lunch there's no need to [Applause] [Music]

10:57 oh bye all right great [Laughter] uh well uh here she is mary richards mary this is mike cooper mike cooper this is mary richards hi all right oh mr cooper your office call they'd like you to call them right away uh you can use my phone right in here mike right here pal well how do you like him so far well he's uh very are you darn right he is good now by the way may you calling mr cooper mike right lion was busy i'll call him later means from his car oh come on the

11:44 man has a phone in his car how many guys do you know who can make a call from their car my cousin can he's probably a big lawyer too no he's a big cop well what would you kids like to have for lunch oh well i'll i'll leave that up to you all right you decide mike come on you know it's the strangest thing ever since i got off the elevator i've had this craving for beef teriyaki [Music] i think i'll have the tempura luncheon good i'll have a sukiyaki

12:37 i'll have beef teriyaki your english is much better thank you i was trying to impress you how am i doing sounded very good to me halfway through i realized i'd never be able to order the whole meal in japanese but it was too late to turn back [Laughter] what a guy [Music] gee this is a fun place to eat but you didn't even think i could find a japanese restaurant i think the long drive was worth it what uh town are we in anyway yokohama i don't want a guy lou you keep saying what a guy i feel like i'm on display or something why don't we change the subject let's talk about

13:22 mary they can say what a girl what a guy uh so mike um what do you think isn't he even nicer than you pictured her on the phone no but i pictured her pretty good will you see her in a purple dress mary uh what do you think of mike you can see this isn't going to be an easy one i think you may be right something wrong what is it what's wrong lou everything is fine if you just relax you're absolutely right okay i'll relax and i won't say anything swimming won't say anything we don't want you to just sit there and

14:08 not say anything mr grant we we want you to say something no no no i've been doing all the talking i want you two to talk go ahead talk [Music] um so uh mike you're you're a lawyer that must be fascinating yeah it really is i love it courtroom drama is so interesting yeah it must be i haven't been in a courtroom in three years last time i was in a courtroom i was fighting my own speeding ticket i lost anybody at this table have black fold or sit down in parking lot license mrv291 that's me

14:53 your car is ringing [Music] so what time is mike picking you up oh i don't know about 10 minutes i guess mary i'm depressed because i don't have a date you're depressed because you do is there any hope for us i'm not really depressed i'm just not really excited oh it's one of those huh yeah and it's really too bad you know he's such a nice guy he's charming he's witty it's just there's nothing between us not even a wall huh nothing and the worst part of it is that all day long at the office mr grant is giving me little winks and smiles like he knows something's happening and the only thing that's happening is

15:40 nothing's happening i think your problem is mr grant i think you're right every time mike and i are out the conversation always works its way around to mike saying gee lou sure is a great guy and i always counter with he sure is and we end up spending the rest of the evening talking about mr grant mary what would happen if just once you and mike uh didn't even talk about mr grant or mention his name or think about him at all that might be a little difficult why because we're having dinner with mr grant's lucha is a great guy oh he sure is would you like a cup of coffee yeah that's fine

16:28 you know you've really fixed this place up nice man oh thank you hey lou's fixed his place up nice henny yeah he sure is a great guy yeah he sure is mary um blue's taken quite an interest in us hasn't he oh yes sometimes i think that uh he's taken more of an interest in us than we have in each other are we gonna tell him um tell him what that you have no more interest in me oh no i'm not wait wait wait a minute i haven't finished then uh

17:13 i have in you oh now don't get me wrong you're a pretty attractive intelligent girl but you're not my type well what do you it's know of a relief isn't it yeah it is hey mike yep why aren't i your type [Music] i'm like kind of a an older woman more seasoned more um meat and potatoes you know what i mean you're more like uh you're like dessert see uh fluffy dessert i'm not fluffy you're in your purple dress

18:03 hey you know this is the longest conversation we've had since i've known you where we didn't mention lou grant yeah he's sure he's we've got two options we are going to have to tell him as soon as possible that we are not interested in each other or we're going to have to get married just to keep from hurting his feet [Music] boy it's gonna be really hard to tell him i think the earlier we do it the easier it'll be oh yeah it has to be right away how about uh first thing tomorrow morning perfect i can't be there i have to go to court i thought you said you never went to court got another speeding ticket [Music] morning murray good morning mr brandon yeah

18:49 no i can tell because my feet are up on my desk good morning now he's in get home okay uh yes chad mr grant could i see you for a minute sure well no uh in there sure you know mary edie thought you and mike looked perfect together and believe me she knows she knows hey what are you two doing tonight nothing good why don't the two of you join the reason we're doing nothing is that mr cooper and i my no mr cooper you aren't having your first fight are

19:35 you no mr grant it's nothing as serious as all that good we're just not seeing each other anymore what mr grant it just didn't work out between us there was no magic [Music] magic what do you want him to do pull a rabbit out of her hat oh mr quinn do snappy card tricks no mr grant make your little heart go pity pat that's it mr grant what i'm trying to say is that when i'm out with mr cooper on a date it's it's like being out with you something wrong with that let me let me put it another way i think that one of the reasons that you like mr

20:21 cooper so much is that he's so much like you which is why i like him so much but i just don't feel any attraction for him just like i don't feel any attraction for uh let me uh put that another way now you put it enough ways mary you don't seem to understand i don't do this i broke the rule for you i went out on a limb for you too at least you could give that limb a chance to grow and to blossom before you go up there and hack it off i didn't pack it off i gave it a chance giving it a chance takes time mary mrs grant and i have been giving it a chance for 26 years

21:08 and we know that one of these days it's going to work out it really wouldn't get so exciting of course i'm excited you just said my best friend isn't good enough for you you don't seem to understand he doesn't care much for me either what he says i'm not his type ah what does he know get him on the phone get him [Applause] oh i said on the phone no you had to be in court i pleaded guilty it's quicker well did mary uh he took it back tell me one thing what's wrong with her just one thing she's too fat loom huh look we appreciate your concern but take

21:54 take my word for it as a friend and a lawyer it just didn't work out was it something i did oh no mr grant you did everything you could more i did too much didn't i it's my fault lou would you stop whipping yourself it's over it's all over are you sure you two kids know what you're doing have you thought it over this is a big decision you're making they're grown-ups then you're not mad at me or anything huh oh mr grant no we thought it was very sweet of you sweet that's right lou don't fight it you are sweet oh cut it out i uh i guess you won't be able to use these then huh

22:40 oh two tickets to the hockey game isn't that sweet just a couple of free passes now what am i going to do with him hey mike you want to go with me sure we can go out and get a few belts before the game as a matter of fact we don't even have to go out before the game i've got belts right here in my office we don't even have to go to the game at all hey that's a great idea listen i gotta go to work um well i'll uh i'll be talking to you i'll be looking forward to it here mary you take these you were supposed to go in the first place alone call my wife she's probably not doing anything [Music]

23:30 newsroom well hi a stranger i haven't heard from you in a long time how you been oh not too much things are pretty slow around here come on come on come on let me talk to him just a second there's a someone here wants to talk to you it's my father