‘’This is How I KNEW He Was the One!’’ - Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE

0:00 I want to go back to the first time you ever [Music] met thank you so much for one of the thank you I'm Selena but we're watching Disney T when you're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and people set up all these walls before and then the first second you like disarmed Everybody by the way congratulations on your engagement when you first were meeting and recording together there was a sense of you were protecting yourself what gave you confidence to open [Music] not what I felt for Benny it was everything about him was honest he'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same if we would have met each other when we

0:46 were younger it would have never worked we've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time and I believe life is like that when Benny looks at me I don't think he sees anything but who I am and that's very rare to find but when you do know it feels right you talk about being best friends so much was it scary thinking what are we going to lose if this gets [Music] romantic the number one Health and Wellness podcast J shett J shett the one the only J shett oh my gosh I'm so happy to be here you know I love you you both I know we love you it's such a fun like coming

1:33 together when this when you guys called me and said you wanted to do this I was just like how special is it that we first met now seven years ago and then because of you I got to meet this amazing man and I feel like we've kicked off of bromance and that makes me happy yeah and and because of you I just feel like we've been spending so much time together and so I'm so grateful to you both for trusting me and over the years and the fact that you've been on you've been on and now we get both of you it's like thank you it's so special it's a very safe cozy Place Benny and Selena hi welcome back to on purpose for the first time together I am so grateful to you both it's been a joy getting to know you both over the last few years and I am so happy for you both thank you like this

2:19 is just so beautiful and special and because of you Selena I got to know Benny so much more and Benny and I have been hanging out we've been meditating we've been I love that eating we've been makes me really happy but it's thanks to you it's thanks to you for bringing us together and I was just saying as a man it's so hard to make male friendships as you get older really is that so yeah I think well it's just like when you're an adult it's like I have my people and that's like what I have to let a new person in like you barely have time for your people that you have so you're like wait in order to get a new person I have to like move another person down the list to slot a new person in because there's not because there's not you know you start to get to an age it's like Larry David always says this he says I have friends that I'm not even friends with

3:04 I've just been friends with them for so long I can't let them go because they're already built in it's like a therapist they already know everything you can't teach a new person that's hilarious disagrees it's not necessarily that I disagree I I guess I just always thought that guys have this immediate like what's up and then they're just like in a flow so I just I don't know I found that interesting yeah I feel like you get guarded as you get older a little bit sometimes I wish weren't as wise because when you I'm not wise at all but I'm saying like it's like when you listen to something like for me for music I listen to things when I was like 18 and I was like oh my God I didn't know any of the rules I wasn't thinking of anything it all comes so easily because you're not confined to like this box that you've put yourself in over the

3:49 years and then by the end you're like oh you know I'm 36 almost 37 I'm like oh I can't do that and it's it's like there's there is some sort of freedom to being really young too there definitely is there definitely is but I was I was saying that watching both your love story and I know you were saying Selena two seconds ago you're like this is such a safe and cozy space to come to I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level and we get to access really what's in your hearts and Minds because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of will touch on the surface level of stuff but I hope we can go deeper so what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind and I want to rewind to a place where well we don't retell the story but we get to relive your story with you and I think there's a

4:34 difference because when we tell a story it's like this is what happened but when we relive it it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened so I want to go back to the first time you ever met and I want to hear about it well the funny thing is is we actually it was so long ago that we don't remember we we we know that her mother put us in a meeting together when how old were you 16 she was 16 wow I didn't realize it was that long ago and and well I'm like four or five years older than you so I was probably 20 21 and her mom was trying to get her into music and her mom is a amazing the way she goes from room to room get on show gets things to happen and you know and

5:20 somehow she got us a meeting together and we don't remember that time and you know after we had done song Together there was one time where it was probably 2016 or 17 or something I remember when you were in a studio like inter scope stud and I remember I came she doesn't remember it but I remember I came in and I had this talk with you and I remember being like whoa wow like s's really like a complex person like in a good way and I was like wow she's she's she's so deep and and we had this conversation where I really I was just really left by being like oh she's deep and then we went and

6:06 and thought nothing more of it and then when we did our song together I remember leaving leave not not feeling romantic at all I just remember leaving and I was talking you know CU When You're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and and and you've done so many things in your life before like people said up all these walls before so it's like you get like like before I came in they were like well you know this thing's like this and this is like this and like she might not want to do and like stuff and they they speak for people so much and then I remember we were so me and the director were so nervous and then the first second you like disarmed everybody and I remember walking back and Jake was like he's like the guy who directing

6:52 with me he's like this is going to be so easy what they they made it seem like she was this is going to be this crazy thing and the warmth I felt from her in that moment I remember leaving being like wow Sela is such a cool girl sheel you don't remember this at all no no she remembers this remember the video part but it was interesting because um yes I don't have a very good memory but uh I just remember the video shoot I didn't see anything romantic nor really felt that but I had a really good time and that was probably the first time after years of doing music together and not together that was the first time I really got to hang out with him and it was fun I had a good time and that was that um and then how it kind of

7:39 continued was I was always cautious because I always wanted to make sure that I did protect myself so to be honest I didn't talk to him very often I thought she hated really I really I knew that was coming I really did I thought she didn't like I would see her and and I would be like does she not like me like and I like we weren't thinking about anything I was like wow she really like didn't talk to me a lot and I was like I thought I was being nice and like my friends would be like no no and then like there was another time I remember and my friends were like oh yeah she was kind of weird and I was like I'm so sorry and there was like a few times and I and I didn't know and I was just like you know I was like that's okay I thought I was being like polite by not she didn't really engage basically

8:27 we I was working on some music and we we went through some of the demos that we had in single soon came up which is ironic because it was actually nowhere near where I was in my personal life but Benny happened to do the song no no I didn't even do the song it was like one of my guys who did the you came to F yeah and I like came to help out because I was like oh I want their song to I was like I don't like the way this let me just at least help them I said I was like well I'm not sure if it'll be okay because I don't know if Selena likes me or something and then John janic the you know the president of Interscope he was like well why don't you just go into the session uh she usually doesn't have people in but just

9:12 go in and like if there is something that you feel is weird like try to just smooth it over and talk to her and get in and I said okay I'm going to go smooth it over so I went in it was so funny right before I came her engineer told me like later that she was like H Benny's coming and she was like and here's reasoning I'm going to defend myself I get very nervous around the producers watching me sing of course it's just a very intimate thing for me I feel like I need to sound a certain way or do whatever to make them happy and when I get to record with just me and my engineer and maybe someone I trust I get more out of the experience so I just was thinking okay well maybe he'll stay for 10 minutes and we'll just talk for a

9:59 second and 10 minutes turned into like 30 then he went to the other room and I finished recording and he stayed there and then yeah this is too long no okay so here so from my perspective here's what happened I get in there I'm like I'm like I got to smooth this I love this back and forth yeah I was like I don't have this with anyone like I I was like I want us to be chill and obviously 99% of it was in my head and uh and I come in we just start talking talking about life and her uh anr is there one of my friends is there we're just we're talking about life and we start talking about dating and I was like yeah you know I went out on this date blah blah blah and then I I was talking to her and I said oh my God I have so many good single guy friends I

10:45 was like we have dinners at the house all the time you should come over sometime and I wasn't even thinking about anything and we're like talking about like our ideal date and like this and that and I wanted to make sure she did the line right so I was like oh I'll stay there to like make sure it's good after and then um so I did we left and then yeah I didn't have her cell phone number because I she changed her number a bunch so like I like asked someone I said hey uh give me your cell phone number I want to say like uh you know than and I I wrote I was like oh my God you were and and and during that I when I was with her I was like oh my God I was like not only she's like really cool I was like I want I was like I want to be like I was like I want her to be in our friend group and I couldn't even be

11:31 thinking I was like I want her to be in our friend group and I want to make sure this thing smoothed out so the song figures out goes well and everything so I said let me just text her thank you or whatever and I was like you know you were so sweet or something something like that then she writes back I guess we just were texting throughout the day and she she told me she looked back at our message she said somehow you started sending like uh selfies where you looked really bad on purpose like the worst ones in your youed to do this yes which by the way no girls should really or anyone in their mind right mind to someone they would have a crush on do that but we were talking about ugly photos like cuz I always say I take the worst photos sometimes and he's like oh you said

12:18 something and I sent him the worst pictures of me like and like in bed sick and then you know me at weird photo shoots and now looking back on it I'm I'm just thinking that's these are so weird I don't know why me in that moment yet or not yet yeah oh you did okay so trying toig I had no idea so I had no idea and somehow we decide so wait why did you do that if you liked Benny why would you sending well because I didn't know that it was going to be like maybe I thought it was just going to be flirting and and not really anything else but I really started to to just I don't know no fall for him so I didn't know any of this and then we

13:03 decide we're like we're I forget how it happens but we're like yeah let's hang out and I was like oh my friend's having a a a birthday party tomorrow I was like you just just come along and I was like just thinking friend stuff and then so she comes to mine and I guess she thought the party was going to be at my house but I was like oh in my head I was like oh she'll just come over and and we can just like grab a drink first and then go there like like not thinking anything of it I was like we'll just like grab a drink at my friend's Wine Bar it's on the way and then we'll go there you were there and and we were sitting together and she said something like well you know because it's a date I wore blah blah and I was like and in I was like no I said if this was a date I definitely would have dressed like a

13:48 nicer and he just kind of looked at me and I thought we were on a date and I was like we're on a date and then and then we went and then we didn't really talk about wait you thought who thought it was a date it was oh she thought it was a date I'm sorry a nice man takes me out for a drink I'm assuming it's a date I didn't know but no one had each other out yet no it was like let's just hang out like and then we go to my friends we go to this Thai restaurant we go to jit L and we're like hanging out and there's a bunch of people there and then she all of a sudden like leaves and she was like I got to go to I have a video shoot really early in the morning and I was like okay and I was like but I wasn't like because it wasn't a date to me or anything so I was like okay cool and I stayed with my friends and stuff and then she text me after and I remember you being like that was like one of the most fun times I've had in a really long

14:33 time Selena so you technically asked Benny out on the first official day she did she did like every walk us through walk us through that confidence that that energy because I think lot of confidence that's the scary part I think that's when I recognized that I had some sort of feelings for him what I fell for Benny it was it was everything about him was honest when Benny looks at me I don't think he sees anything but who I am oh that's so cheesy to say but when you do know it feels right walking to his house um or into his home to go to his friend's thing I was very nervous and I'm not normally like that unless

15:21 it's like an event or something where it could be overwhelming but with anyone I talk to I'm able to talk to people and I feel like I'm good at it but I just felt like all these feelings and then when we went out I was laughing and I didn't feel like you wanted anything or there was weird motives it's it's sad that you know people have to think that way but I don't know I felt this immediate safety and I was very pleased that I don't know we were friends and then we him you know the next time we hung out it was it was We just hung out at home and we just like we chilling and we were playing

16:07 that game uh not we're not really strangers great and my friend made that game and and we were just playing it and we had both played it and I was like okay sure we can play it and we played it and there was like a card that said like take a selfie together and we like took a she like screwed up we took a selfie and then right after the selfie we just kissed and then oh great and well no that's it and then she's very private and then and then basically the rest was history and we started hanging out so much and it just like very quickly I was like oh my God my whole life I was like oh this is I this is my person like I'm going to marry this person this is oh this is the thing this is what it feels like it was so

16:54 different than any of those feelings and I was like holy I just I met my best friend this is my best friend nothing gets any better than this it can't get better there's no I this is my this is like better than any friend I have that's a guy and I get to kiss them like it was like it it was insane to me so I was like I can't let this go I I and it it was so funny because before I met her I with my therapist I made a list saying like these are all the things I want I'm tell the list you want to know it yeah I want to know the okay okay so before I met her you know I was a guy in in in La trying to find the one for me and I was having some trouble and I and and and I think I

17:41 was like maybe not looking in all the right places and I was like okay it's time to be a grown-up like I want to like start a life I want to have a family I want to find a person that like is my other half that makes me feel better and I make them feel better and it's it's it's a give and take it's the perfect ying and yang so I wrote down a list and the first thing on my list was age appropriate okay so that I love great and it was 30 plus okay so that was number one on my list yes not number one but it was the first thing I wrote yeah and then the second thing I wrote was I said I know these are so simple but it's so hard to come by somebody who's kind compassionate and caring I was like that's really three in one but

18:27 that was my but I was like I need need someone who's like nice and is like a genuine nice person you said something really important the reason I'm bringing it up is because I feel a lot of women but a lot of people feel this way and you said when you first were meeting and recording together there was a sense of you were protecting yourself yes and I think that's a very human thing and I think it's a very normal thing in especially in this day and age especially in your position to add to it what was it that you know at one point you said I'm going to adopt at 35 if I don't find someone like you had your whole life mapped out when you met Benny but then and you said you were protecting yourself but then you started to open up could you walk us through what gave you confidence to open up but what that feels like when you're trying to protect yourself because I think

19:13 that's the push and pull that everyone's going through well I think first of all making plans and trying to stick to them is silly CU you don't know what's going to happen and I can't believe that I get to marry my best friend so it but yes I I think for me I was genuinely set but it was once I let go of me just saying I want someone and I wish I had this and I wish I had that instead I changed my mind to I'm so lucky that I get to wake up and my family is healthy and I love spending time with my friends and you know what if it doesn't happen I know that I've always wanted to be a mom and you know so of course I kind of

20:00 planned that out I think it was because when Benny looks at me I don't think he he sees anything but who I am and that's very rare to find he knows when I'm feeling a certain way and kind of before I can even let it get to a place where it's unbearable he has already talked to me through a spiral and protecting myself on multiple reasons you know doing you know doing music working with someone that's kind of you know like oh I don't know if I should do that but I genuinely just watch it just happened I think when you know and oh that's so cheesy to say

20:47 but when you do know it feels right and I think that that's what happened to me and I just felt very comfortable with it yeah Benny how do you feel that you almost sabotaged do a relationship by nearly introducing Selena to your friends how does that feel like when you're like hey wait a minute come and meet my friends there might be some nice guys for you to meet I feel like it all happens for a reason I feel like maybe me doing that is what disarmed her enough to like you know it's we talked about this before like if we would have met each other when we were younger it would have never worked it's like we've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time and I believe life is like that and sometimes it doesn't make sense and sometimes it's not the right reasons and we're like why is this happening but I

21:33 always believe that you know I don't know I believe in fade I believe in all that and I believe you know if you're good to people karmically it's going to come back to you 10 times over maybe you might get in that moment someone's going to do you really dirty but over a long period of time I think things are going to go your way yeah was it scary because you you talk about being best friends so much was is it scary thinking what are we going to lose if this gets romantic as friends no no right it happened right away it happened quick was all one day that was one day like like everything really happened within and then look there were at once we knew that we liked each other there's that part where like you know we're both extremely busy

22:19 people so it's like it takes a second to where you fully prioritize you know cuz it's like at first you date someone you say okay I'll see you this time once a week and then it's like oh okay this person's getting cool will go twice a week and it's like wait don't leave my house I miss you like it all happen so quickly one thing that you both did was you had a long-distance relationship for a while like you were in different states and managing that you both have crazy work schedules and I was thinking in your positions it can get very easy to be like oh that person's never available they canceled again like well they've got a million things they're running away I mean you were just about to say you both are starting to travel together right now for work as well but how did you manage that cuz I think a lot of our viewers are like do long-distance relationships work and do

23:05 twoo busy people relationships work how would you both say you've managed both of those parts biggest thing in the world is trust um I can say with all my heart that I trust this person um so for me knowing that I have a 12 to 14-hour day on set I won't get to talk to him second which I don't need but I know just hearing from him one time check in with me and say I love you and I hope the day is going well I just feel safe and I've never felt that before and if you feel like you're in a situation that doesn't feel like you're a unit that makes it scarier and then that causes

23:50 friction then it causes trust issues so for me I would have to say communication and trust helps but it it doesn't always work it's hard I feel like at the beginning there were a few uh almost almost sabotages she didn't like she was like that's fair at at the very beginning in like her first few trips away she was still gaining that trust so there was there were moments of sincere D no yeah yeah we all have we we all have moments in our life because like we're only made up I tell everyone this it's like when you when you start dating someone you're not only dating them you're dating every single person

24:36 they've ever dated every single relationship they've ever had in their past every because you're getting every piece of baggage that that person's carried and that what they've learned through their own personal life through the life with partners with their parents with this that and I had to find a way to build that trust with her not make it feel overbearing and make it feel real and make her actually believe it and vice versa like I know that she fully try if I say hey I'm just going to do this today there's nowhere in her mind that's thinking that and if for any chance that she I always told her I said it's okay if you have moments of doubt in something in a feeling always talk to me and I'll talk you through anything that you may have you know if you say

25:23 hey I know this is a crazy thing I just had a dream and I woke up from this dream and I was upset sometimes she'll just say like please tell me I can trust you or please tell me you're not doing anything stupid and I say you can call me anytime you want and I'm aware of her strengths and I'm aware of her weaknesses and what I try to do is surround her with a lot of things to help her so if she's away and I have to go to a dinner then a party then this thing then that thing it's a simp text in between each things that says hey babe I'm going to this next thing I'm thinking about you hey you know you know where where couples where it starts to hit is when they miss that text they

26:11 don't call the person they wait until the next like it's just like I know what she needs to succeed so I'm G to help her succeed I'm not going to be a dick I'm not not going to hit her up and she doesn't need a lot she's like the easiest person in the world but I know yeah she wants to talk to me before she goes to bed she wants me to say I love you she wants me to text her if I wind up having to stay somewhere 2 hours late just a just a simple take out your phone and done and and I know that no I know that stuff really helps especially when you're long distance because it's natural you're far away from someone you say I'm not with this person I'm not as connected to them we're not we're not meant to be far you're not supposed to

26:56 be long distance with your partner supposed to be right next to your partner like it's like it we do things in life that that we have to do and we both are very focused on our careers and we're very driven and you have to find a way to make it work that's comfortable you have to talk to your partner you have to understand them I think people's biggest problems especially men are that we don't listen all the time you got to listen just shut the up and listen listen to what they're saying a woman is going to tell you EX actly what she needs like when guys are like I don't know what she wants I don't know she told you already you're just an idiot you're not listening just listen a girl is if a girl is getting frustrated with you on something she's definitely told you multiple times and you're just not paying attention um so it's like just

27:44 listen and don't be reactionary proactively do these things I don't know if you do the same thing but when when you're away from your partner you just try to think a little things that's going to make them feel more comfortable better you know I'm I'm on the other hand I'm like living on the moon so it's like she doesn't have to really do anything for me cuz I'm like I'm all in on on everything with her and I fully trust her in every capacity and my whole life I've always been like this I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to yes okay and I trust people to be who they are okay and so far I know who she is so until further notice that's how I'm going to treat her you know what I'm saying yeah I totally

28:30 get that yeah that's my thoughts on no I love that it's the character that gets judged it's the way I'm not white enough I'm not Mexican enough there's just these so many different things that come up in in my face that I can't help but see it just doesn't feel safe and I don't like being myself sometimes that's a bigger problem than just talking about it in a relationship I was very very reactive I think that's why I was alone for 5 Years cuz I really needed to collect myself I think in the past that's why I say to him all the time and 10 years ago it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you I just wouldn't have been in the right head space I remember there was a time we

29:18 didn't want this to be like a public thing because unfortunately for Selena her life is is always under the spotlight being screed Ruiz it every moment and this and that and for good for bad and I remember sitting with her and we'd been seeing each other you know secretly for months and months and months and and we were about to go to New York and we just made a conscious effort that we were like we don't want to do this anymore we want to be able to go out and have fun and like and you know just live our lives and at that point I knew that it was serious enough to dive in like like that I was like okay I don't care what comes with this because I love this person so much

30:05 already that like we literally said I love you on that trip she had already said I love you to me a few times okay wait so the album I said I love you first yes so Selena you said I love you first yes she said it a what made you want to say that because that's a big step I ass I definitely have never been the first so this is the first time in your life you were the first yes wow I wanted him to also know how committed I was and deep down I just felt that and I I was tired of protecting myself we had spent enough time together where you know I felt like this was my person and I I had the courage enough to say it but I was very nervous and

30:54 luckily he said it back did you say it back the first time well there was a okay okay well there's been some slip outs okay okay well she was she um has a plate in her hand cuz she she had like an accident and she was like coming up from I think that was oh he's talking about a metal plate yeah she was had surgery or something she was coming out of anesthesia and and she was like sitting there and she was like love you and then I was like what and she was like and she was like I love you and I I don't remember I didn't say anything back yet because I was like I can't have this be the first time and then one time she was with her friends they were at dinner and she was like oh we really wish you were here we

31:39 love you I mean and then just hung like it literally was like and then she started wanting to really say it and she was like it was right when I was going to do it it was the same night and I was like hey let me get my stuff out and he literally said that and then I just said I love you and I was like pleas I was like please just let me cuz I had it was like I had felt it and I was about to do it and and I was like I want to wait till New York so it's special be in my house like it'll be a good thing and then the day I was doing it she was like she's like couldn't take it anymore and she said it and then we said it and the thing that's crazy is you know before you say I love

32:24 you it's like this thing it's like taboo scared to say and then after you're like oh my God I can't like you want to say it a thousand times in a row you never want I can't even understand how I went so long without saying it to her I say it 3,000 times a day to her and like I I make sure every day I say I love you so much like I love you a million times and then I always tell her how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her every day you know what I it's so annoyingly cute and I always wanted no and I always wanted to do that because I want her to know that every day I don't take any of anything for granted and I still look at her and my breath gets taken away in so many different ways and I I said it to her last night we were sitting we we were in like the pool or something

33:10 together last night and we were just hanging out and I was just like you're so beautiful and I don't mean that just physically I'm saying like you can feel it there's like a ring like an aura around her that exudes just like warmth and it and it just you're like making me want to cry how do you react in the moment when that happens Selena cuz Benny we're basically the same person I do the same thing to my wife yeah I do that to rad all the time R will just pull the funniest face in the world yeah I was like how do you react when when Benny's telling you all these amazing things Selena what you say because I I say now let's be honest I also am equally grateful and I tell him that all the time I I just it makes me feel like

33:58 it's not real and I'll like sometimes I'll be like this seems too good to be true like he's so sweet to me but now I've accepted it I think I I actually love it so much that it just makes me want to give him that support and that love back so um it's safe to say I feel much safer doing that now and I like it I think so many people feel that when someone's that nice and that's coming from someone who's like that myself with friends family and obviously with my with my wife too A lot of the time that scene is a weakness like people kind of look down on it when someone's that open about their feelings especially I get asked that a lot when I'm giving

34:43 relationship or dating advice people be like oh no but if if I come on too strong people get turned off what this time was different for you where it's like he's he's being really affectionate he's being really open but there's a part of you that realizes that's what you want and that's what you deserve because the world has become so hard to please if you will I'm called fake I'm called I it's it's insincere it's fake all of this like it just doesn't feel safe and I don't like being myself sometimes and that's a re that's a bigger problem than just talking about it in a relationship because it makes you feel like you have to question the way you're

35:31 acting and I genuinely yeah I have really bad days and sometimes I don't have the energy to do what I'm doing but I try 99% of the time to be kind and to just be happy and grateful for what I have and that just almost isn't cool anymore and I hope that that conversation can kind of start eventually because it's not it's not good I want to always be that person that I was but it gets harder and harder but I felt for Benny it was it was everything about him was honest it wasn't just that he was honest with me he was honest about where he was at in life and um he'll tell me anything that

36:18 he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same but he's the one person you know when you're saying those nice things to me babe it's like so sweet but I believe in to where I'm not going to believe someone who is blowing smoke up my but to just make me feel good he's saying it because he means it and I believe it yeah that's beautiful that Honesty that someone has in every area of their life including their bad days their tough days their challenging days then when they're saying that yeah whether their day is good or bad and they feel that way it resonates with us I think we all we all sense that and I I I love what you said I think it's so important that we make it cool again to care for people and be cared for and we

37:03 make it cool again to love people and feel loved and we make it cool again for people to be kind and to receive kindness I feel like it's like a macho thing like guys guys are always trying it's like stop trying to be cool like it's like guys try to be so cool and like they don't want I think it's cool to show your emotions I think it's cool to tell the person like I call my mom up and I tell her how beautiful she is too like and I I I think it's cool to make people feel good I think it's cool to like you know I just feel like people like are trying to push people down a lot sometimes like to make themselves feel better but you look so much cooler and so much better if you're making other people feel better not even that you would look you'd feel like a better person that's what I'm saying though but it's like I don't understand why people like choose not to do that and it's like

37:51 yeah it's it's something I'm very passionate about something that I do want to start talking about more I want to be a good example I'm not the perfect person Lord knows I've made tons of mistakes and continue and will continue to but I think it's important that we talk about that yeah I'm really glad you both raised it because I think so many of us are actually accepting less than we deserve because we want what's cool not what we deserve yeah me explaining to you right now I want to change my whole approach to anything because of like one thing that I did like that's S I don't want have to change who I am like that was hurtful for sure I don't

38:36 never want to do I don't do any of that like when some people I don't care what's going on no he's great at that which helps me not care as much I don't care about what anyone said I don't care about comments I don't care about press I don't care about interview I don't care about what anyone says I just love yeah I just try to have you always been that way yeah what what made you that confident cuz I think a lot of people need to hear that cuz it's like this okay why are you reading the comments okay there's two reasons you're either reading the comment because you want people to be like oh my God I love you or you want someone to say you piece of you're ugly you look like you know what I'm saying and it's like and you don't need either one of those answers I rather just freefall through

39:22 life and I don't need to know any of that stuff and I don't I've never even read an interview back ever that I've ever done I don't look at the pictures like I ask my manager I say hey did I say something stupid in the interview and if he says yes I said what did I say that was stupid or I say okay great if it's something like I don't want to know there's always going to be someone trying to bring you down hating is free okay so people are going to be hating all over the world they're GNA be hating from their bedroom they're going to be and I just don't even understand it I've never even thought in my mind to like to like go on someone's page be like J that shirt's ugly why'd you wear that those stripes look like Jay no I never even thought about that like if anything I write like oh my God I love this show Jay like I I and I just don't think we

40:10 live in this weird world where people seek validation in so many different ways and I don't think we need and I know it's hard I know it's hard and people want it and you want to read the comments you want to look at it but I just don't think I'm going to gain anything from it in that time I could be looking at those comments I could be hanging out with my friends or like going on a walk or eating something delicious on much healthier yeah I think I think you have that too and it's why you've been so successful in music Benny yourself because I think you can create original sound because it's not trying to be like someone else or impress someone else like it's it's partly why you're so good at your craft because to make great music to invent new sounds to create new genres to create spaces for artists to play in it requires that

40:56 confidence in I'm not trying to sound like this I'm not trying to be like this I'm not trying to impress so it's really interesting too because I feel like when you're growing up your whole life you're told to fit in and then when you grow up you have to stand out but then when you stand out then everyone has a chance to point fingers because when you're doing something differently that's the only time people point fingers if you kind of follow what everyone else is doing n will ever point fingers do you do you read the comments no I'm the same as you but I I got really good advice early on as well I remember someone saying to they said Jay you get if you get 100 comments you're going to look through all of them to find the one that's negative right that's the way the brain and then you make it out like that one negative comment the entire comment

41:41 section and so if someone said Jay those stripes are ugly I'm not walking around my whole life thinking the stripes are ugly and let's get honest that goes even deeper if someone says something about you when you were saying like someone called you fake or someone well I was basically also going to point out that women have it much please tell yeah tell us about from my perspective it's it's pretty um wild and I think this isn't news to anybody that obviously women have a lot more intense feelings from their appearance to you know what they are wearing to everything then I'm saying this is to me when I get prepared for an event 90% of the time I'm just

42:27 like I just hope I can take the picture and sit down it's the character that gets judged it's the way I'm not white enough I'm not Mexican enough I'm I I don't know there's just these so many different things that come up in in my face that I can't help but see but I I fall victim to like looking at at things and it really it doesn't add to your life but it's just so difficult from the choices of you know the people you date it's like nobody cares about those kind of things with men they're just like yeah they they did that they said that they you know they did this and so I think we just carry a lot oh

43:14 yeah my weight's a big one too everyone just has something to say and it's really making me sad and not even sad cuz you know what no I'm not a victim of Ruan I just think it's made me a tad bitter and feel really guilty for saying that but it's true I I don't know it's a really interesting time isn't it because and I'm so happy that you both are talking about this because I feel like on one end we're all like body positivity let's talk about mental health let's protect each other like there's this whole conversation and then on the other side we're like pointing fingers at people about their weight and their appearance and whatever else it is like you said judgments of character especially saying with women and I find that so interesting because I'm like wait a minute don't we realize that the

43:59 same people who are saying mental health matters are the same people that are pointing fingers at people that can affect people's mental health I'm just happier that I don't have that you know I had to stop after a while and I still take breaks completely cuz I'm human so of course sometimes I read things and but I do most of the time ignore most of everything I don't have anything on my phone at the moment so there are ways to combat it I'm doing it I'm not in like um I'm not in like I hate it I understand the power of what social media is it's just um tricky yeah yeah it is very tricky but thank you guys yeah thank you for opening up about it because I can imagine it just gets exhausting after a while it's just like

44:46 just tired of it you know it just because it's all the same and you're processing all the same stuff but what about for you Selena what's been the way that you've been able to manage your crazy work schedule staying committed to the relationship finding time to make memories and make space I think you know I will say it's it's very hard for me and like Benny said in the beginning it was very difficult for me to take trips away it just makes me feel once I understood and got to know him and I wasn't afraid to tell him like Hey I just want to make sure like it's not that I don't trust you can you just text me before you you know go to your next thing and I was able to do that with him and he wasn't combative he

45:32 wasn't like why I don't what you don't trust me it was just more like yeah I could totally do that and with that day by day I feel more and more open and you know we're going to be separated again while I go shoot in New York and um yeah I'm ready for it I think it's it's doable but it's not fun exactly it's it's not fun but but it found it sounds like you found a system that works for you and the the system is so simple is literally just listening to the other person if the other person says hey I need this it's not now like a debate around whether they don't trust you because I think a lot of us if someone said that to you Benny like it would be easy for your reaction to be like well how can you not

46:18 trust me like you always know where I am like how why do I have to do this every day like you could have that reaction but that reaction doesn't make the relationship better and I think that's where often that goes where someone vulnerably says hey all I need is this if someone's coming at you with a certain energy you're already going to Buck back like she always comes in a way where she's like well I didn't like this because of this this and this I'm like she said it's so nice that I have to I'm like no because I'm like I have to approach this in a different way because she came at it with such class and effort so like I'm not going to come back at her like that I'm going to come back at her and say well I agree with what you're saying or you know I disagree and here's why you know and it

47:04 and that's how we talk through everything yeah and then another thing was I really wanted a person that when I wake up I think to myself I'm like how can I make Selena's day better like how what can I do in my day to make her day better because then that makes my day better and I wanted to find a person like that and I know when Selena wakes up like the first thing she's thinking is like how can I make his day better and we have such a give and take like I could never even see a world where I would ever yell at her she would ever yell at me like we don't argue like that like I feel like I feel like we just have conversations like there's never an argument sometimes she'll say this is so funny oh boy no no no she'll do this and it's really cool she'll

47:49 go I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes and I'll say okay okay and then I give her her space and then after like 5 minutes she texts me she's like hey will you come back you but but it's but it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries set with each other like I don't have to be on top of her every second she doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together I just want to know she's in the house so I can say like hey I love you and then go back to what I'm doing you know what I mean cuz look we're both highly independent people okay but we're both little mushes who just need to be attached to yeah we are so cheesy it's so fun yeah but it's like but I feel like I think it helps us

48:36 too that we're both you know on my list the thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something I didn't care if they made any money or anything I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day and when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did I'm like I'm not sitting there like yeah okay like when you're talking to your mom you know when you're talking to your mom and you just say your mom just keeps talking you go yeah uhhuh yeah like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm I see what she did and I'm like and it inspires me and I'm like I got to do more in this thing and it's like we're in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing and and she'll help me out she'll

49:23 be like well what if you did it like this this and this and I'm like and and then she'll say something and I'll be like well why don't you handle the situation because we have such different personalities that are also the same but we're the thing that one of us is really good at the other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa and it's so cool to be able to like Workshop like little conversations or how to handle a situation and it and I just feel so comfortable with her like that I can say anything and she won't ever say I don't know I love the maturity I mean hearing you both talk about it yes but let's be clear we are not the perfect it's not perfect you're disagreeing no no no but I think the maturity of and and I agree with you I think I think that's actually

50:09 the difference and I'm glad you brought that up I think there's a big difference between maturity and Perfection yeah Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement we never have to take space from each other we you know which you're not saying you're saying hey I just asked for 25 minut space and then I was like wait a minute I need you and I think a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts for you to First say hey I need space for you to say I get it I respect you and then for you to have the maturity to say actually I want you back and for you to be like not like oh I Told You So for you to be like I'm here for you like that that's not Perfection to me that's maturity and I think that's I really want people to get that from it that you are going to have disagreements you are going to want space like me and Ry went through that she at the beginning of our

50:55 relationship if we had a disagree agement and we were the same we never we made a rule that we' never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great she comes from home where her parents don't raise their voices but I was just like I never wanted that in my home I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred and I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug and I was like we can't argue and then expect that to happen but it took a long time for us to realize that when she at the start of our disagreement she wanted space and I used to say to her well if you don't want to talk about it right now that means you don't care about me and that wasn't true she just needed space to process so it took time for us to mature for me to realize wait a minute you wanting space is you caring

51:40 for the relationship some people I get it they want to talk about it right then they want to the one thing that also works for us so much is like we're not chill people but we're like not we're never going to get I like I'm not going to yell at anyone in my life like yeah same yeah and you know I I came from a home where a lot of that was happening and I saw like at a young age and I was just like well like my parents weren't speaking the same language obviously they were speaking the actual same language they weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate and if someone comes at you like hostile right away the first thing I'm going to do and I know she's going to do is shut down so you're not getting anything you know and I always say this

52:26 guys are so quick to like they got to win they got to win the argument and it's like what are you doing what are you winning like you're going to argue with your wife and like make her cry and then you're like I won that argument and then she hates you and resents you like wait like don't be an idiot and and it's like I only I've been guilty though to start yeah I don't know I just not of you sorry I think for me I necessarily felt like in other uh situations of mind it was um I was very reactive I think that's why I was alone for 5 Years cuz I really needed to collect myself I think in the past that's why I say to him all the time 10 years ago it's not that I wouldn't have

53:12 wanted to be with you I just wouldn't have been in the right head space and I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before so I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes and and I just want this to be right so for me that was a lesson that I had to learn cuz I think girls can equally want to be right that for me it was really difficult in the past and he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so H frustrated he's like very quick to understand I'm I hear you like you're allowed to feel that and that helped me shift where my mind used to go which was

53:57 a little bit of anger so so it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments yes that allowed you to not be reactive what was it that allowed you because I feel like as Benny was saying earlier you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one I respect Benny I because he's done nothing but respect me I again trust him I can tell him anything even if it's about something that's uncomfort able and maybe she should just talk to your girlfriends like he is that and that helps Cal me down to say okay so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before or whatever it is it's nothing is ever bad like nothing

54:44 in my life I regret and I'm so so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be it is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn and I just I can never picture myself disrespecting him I think well it's it's also just a different thing because it's like look none of us are perfect like she gets spicy sometimes and when I see something happening it's about guiding the missile not adding a jetpack on top of it with a with like machine gun artillery like I want to make if I see her getting to a place where I'm like man in five minutes from now this room could explode I'm never going to let it get to that 5 minutes from now I'm going to say what

55:30 are all the tools that I know that work for her that I've learned over like I'm not going to exacerbate a situation I'm going to try to calm it down because why do I want to be in that position where we're both just like upset about something I don't want to just comment down and tell her what she wants to hear I'm not saying that I'm not saying like to your partner be like yes you're right you're totally right like everything you no I think you listen and you say like okay we're like sometimes I even I'll say like let's not let it get there let's like just talk about this and I I do think physical touch is always like a very big way like if you're in a conversation with your partner like it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them and and if someone's

56:16 upset let them talk it out first and then after they talk it out be like okay well here's what I think you know and and you can work through these things together such an easy way very constructive it's not always easy I can tell you that and sometimes we just someone wants to be frustrated and it's like sometimes she'll tell me that she'll just be like I know it's going to be okay but like I just want to be frustrated in this moment yeah and and I'll have to redirect because I'll be like you know what you have every right to be in this moment and she'll say this is why she said this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment she said it the other day about something I can't even remember and I was just like oh my God I was like yeah I was like that makes so much sense I was like I don't agree agree with the frustration will get there afterwards and I was like but I get it I get it and it's so cool and

57:02 I've never quite had a relationship like with her and we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world we're perfect for each other we're not perfect for everyone else but I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right and I'm like oh okay I'm going to change that the next time you know with this person or with that person and I think that's when you really grow is when you take all your experiences good or bad like I I'm like her I take every experience in my life my past partners my family my everything it's like everything happened for a reason and I'm not going to sit here and mope about like things that could be better or different what I'm going to do is I'm GNA say okay I learned this and now I'm gonna put it into practice yeah yeah you

57:49 know yeah for me I always I always said to Ry I always say to my wife do you want me to listen do you want me to fix this or do you just want me to go through it with you a lot of make it clear for me because they don't want you to fix it right away and I'm not saying I'm saying men or women sometimes it's not about fixing you know everyone is you know I'm such a problem solver and you are too so it's like your first thing I know the first thing in your head is like how can I fix this situation but sometimes it's not about fixing it right there sometimes it's about just like you know especially for women who are like strong like both our partners they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life they have the world on their backs your wife has there's so many people that rely on her there's so many people that rely on her so sometimes

58:35 they just want to complain about something and that's okay that's okay it's okay who else are they going to do it to they might as well do it and you and you just listen I have to ask you both about this because I was so excited when the news came out and it just you know it was it was so beautiful to see it go from where it started to this but your proposal and and now you're engaged and like that just I can tell I mean it just it feels just beautiful being in the same space with you both loving on each other which is great uh Selena what was The Proposal like like we have a video of it but um I want to save that for us and just keep that private but basically what I will share is that I thought we had a shoot that day and I

59:23 had hair and makeup and I was during my regular day I get in the car and I'm thinking to myself where are we going cuz at this point I feel like I know a lot of the studios that I go to and I just started getting a little frustrated because I was like this seems far right and I'm just just me and my security and he's laughing cuz he's just like oh it's just you know I don't know it's a new space I was like okay we get out I just I walk in and all of a sudden I see no one's in the room and I just look at my assistant and she just shuts the door and I was like uh and I like kind of walked on to

1:00:09 you know the area that he had set up and um you know I think you envision all the things that you would do and say when someone asks you but it is actually the craziest feeling it was really special he he said the sweetest things but I also was so shocked that it it just felt unreal for a long time and I don't know I've always dreamt of that moment and he couldn't have made it more perfect and yeah it was one of the best days of my life for sure I wasn't nervous until one second before I was so not nervous I was doing work until one second before I was approving Masters for an album that was coming out that night and then right

1:00:56 when it happened right when it was about to happen I said oh what the am I gonna say and I'm so good with words usually I can't remember anything if we didn't have a video of it I wouldn't have even remember what I said you know I had known I was gonna propose to her for so long and you know I never cared about marriage wasn't a thing in my head she cared about it so much so I said well now I care about it because she cares about it and I found myself not even thinking it was going to be a big deal till I was there and then I said holy get married now and in the moments leading up to it it's not really real until it's real I remember it was so special for me because it was special

1:01:43 for her and then it was yeah she said the two times you said that were the best things in your life for that and then when I got you w bger yeah what's this I want to know about this what bger is a restaurant chain that I'm not sure where they are but they're not in California and they're not in New York and I love this chain so much cuz there's a million in Texas where I'm from and I love the biscuits Texas toast and gravy it's so good and we don't have that and for Valentine's Day he surprised me and this was it this is all we really did I was on the phone and he comes in with water burger and I

1:02:31 literally look at him like I'm freaking out and he had someone apparently they opened up in Vegas and while we were talking someone drove kept it warm and then no didn't keep it warm I so I did you re it what I did was I got all the parts to it and talked to the people there and figured out how I could reheat it the best way and I was reheating it in all different ways putting it together and then yeah brought it to her because to me someone like C could have anything in the world the best thing you could do she said it right after she said right when I gave it to her she said I can't believe you listened and remembered my order and remembered all these things in such an easy way and then you just did it she said that's

1:03:18 what makes this gift so special is that you actually like listened to the things and it goes such a long way but I did the my two favorite moments are the proposal and whater I was just think I was just so far he's done wonderful things that's brilliant I was just thinking something so crazy did you know we were born within 10 minutes from each other yeah really yeah on the same day no no no uh uh place oh she was bored in Texas yeah I was born right near her like 10 15 minutes away and you never met in Texas ever that no no he can't I don't claim Texas no I was born in Texas but I grew up in Virginia I claim Texas she claims Texas she claim do you remember your proposal of

1:04:03 course I remember my proposal it was it was very uh I would say I was definitely impacted by lots of social media trends for sure I in my chap my first chapter of my second book which is all about love I talk about how I would redo my proposal because you didn't like it so not that I didn't like it was perfect for the time but it's so wasn't us like it could so I'll tell it it's embarrassing but I'll tell it I'll tell it so we were walking down one of

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